End of the road...

Driving is a time when the drone and monotony of the engine can give way to tears. Maybe it’s just ‘alone time’ when I have my thoughts to myself, or private time when I think too much. I remember my dad and think ‘life isn’t fair’; I think of my mom’s sadness which makes me sadder. If someone passing would see this river of tears, they’d probably call the Sheriff on the crazy lady sniveling down the road. I usually suck it up by the time I get where I’m going and force myself to think of the ‘here and now’.
So, on my way home from Manhattan, drudgerdly-low feelings began to converge…I recalled a year ago this Christmas week…reflecting on the excitement of a certain ‘crush’ and the thrilling feelings when he’d said, “I’ll call you before New Years!” Those simple words made me want to skip about like an enchanted teenager and despite that teeny taunting subconscious (“Yeah, right!”), I cradled that phone day and night. Yes, a delighted daze, you know, when your eyes shine nonstop in a bedazzled smile and joyous butterflies dance on your collarbones! A few days pass, then two more…. and the pleased smile is soon replaced by glitter tears while the butterflies trudge in your gut and low shoulders hunch in that downhill spiral…
Suck it up again…Oh such is life! You’d think one would know better by now!